Labor Pains
Labor Pains ' is the eighteenth episode of Red vs. Blue: Season 9 and the 191st episode overall. Characters Red Team *Sarge *Grif *Simmons *Donut Blue Team *Epsilon *Tucker *Tex *Caboose *Andy Project Freelancer *Leonard Church *Counselor *Delta *Alpha (Mentioned Only) Plot Grif is seen standing on the cliff, yelling at Blue Team. Tucker comes out of the base and complains about his yelling. As Grif continues to yell insults, Simmons comes up to him and asks what he's doing. Grif replies saying he is doing his part of the plan, since he doesn't know how to build a bomb himself. However, Grif further explains that he's now making the Blues mad enough to bomb their base, so not only will they have a bomb but it will be delivered to them for free. Simmons, who believes the plan to be idiotic, leaves Grif to continue his yelling. Tex becomes mad and asks Caboose to get her tools. Blue Team is later huddled around a bomb, in which Tex explains that she used parts from an unused robot kit to make the bomb. Tucker says it doesn't look like a bomb to which the bomb, Andy, responds that he doesn't look like much of a soldier, causing Tucker to leave angrily. At Red Base, Sarge says today will be the day they beat the planet, and asks Grif if the bomb is ready. Grif says it should be here any minute. Sarge then shows the team a humongous drill and excavator, to which he says he ordered online. Sarge asks for the bomb and Grif begins to explain why he doesn't have it, when suddenly Andy appears and begins ticking. Meanwhile, the Director and Counselor are seen with two medics pushing the Sarcophagus behind them. A green glow begins to have a conversation with the Counselor on how he feels, until the Director says not to feel for him. The Counselor tells it, which is revealed to be Delta, that the Director will take care of him. Delta says he's confused but the Director says they will do incredible things together. Transcript ''Fade in to Grif yelling at the Blues from the cliff '''Grif: Yeah you! You fucking piece of shit! You suck! Tucker: Jesus, is that guy still yelling? Church: Yes. Tucker: He's been yelling all morning. Tex: Hhhh, we know. Tucker: Make him stop. Church: And how'm I gonna do that? Tucker: Shoot him with your snipe- Tremor Tucker: Ah, never mind, I realized how stupid that sounded as soon as I started to say it. Cut to Grif on the cliff. Simmons approaches him Grif: Hey, Blues, you still suck! Yeah, you! You fucking piece of shit! You suck! Simmons: Grif, what the hell are you doing up here? Grif: I'm doing my job, Simmons. Tremor Grif: I'm working on my part of the plan. Simmons: I thought your part of the plan was to build a bomb? Grif: Uh, yeah, but I don't know how to build a bomb. Simmons: Yeah, I know that, you don't know how to do anything. Grif: So, I'm yelling at the Blues - You guys still suck! - until I make them mad enough to bomb our base -Idiots! - So, not only will they make me a bomb, I'll get them to deliver it. For free. You guys are lame, I hate you! Simmons: That is actually the most sensible part of this plan I've heard so far. Your years of laziness have finally paid off in full, Private Grif. Grif: Thank you very much, Private Simmons. Now if you'll excuse me, somebody needs to be called a cunt. Simmons: As you were soldier. Simmons leaves Grif: Hey you! Yeah, you! You dumb cunts! You suck! Tremor begins... Grif: Hey up there, what're you talking about? Huh Blue? Are you talking about how bad you suck? ...tremor ends Grif: Because that's what I'm doin'! I'm talking about it right here, only louder! Way louder! Because I'm yelling Bluueee Teeeaam suuuucks! Hey Blue Team, why're you so sad? Is it because you suck so bad? I think it might be! Tex: That's it, I'm taking those fuckers out! Caboose, get my toolkit. Grif: Woohoo! Success. Grif flees. Cut to Blue Base some time later, with everyone gathered around a bomb Church: What the hell is that? Tex: That, is my bomb. You guys had an unused robot kit, so I used the parts from it to make this bad boy. Church: Oh, robot kit, right. We don't need that now because, I never died. That makes sense. Caboose: Right. That was Andersmith's job. Church: Stop it. Tucker: This thing doesn't look like a bomb. It looks like a basketball. Andy: Oh yeah? Well you don't look much like a soldier, dickhead. Tucker: Looks like a basketball, sounds like a fucking asshole. Great. Tex: I had to include the voice synthesizer because it had the power unit. So now it can talk. Andy: In other words, you want me to blow stuff up, you're gonna have to blow me first. Tucker: Well he's pleasant. Tex: What do you expect? He's a bomb. You want him to be polite, or you want him to kill stuff? Tucker: I want him to shut up. Andy: Anybody care what I want? How 'bout Tucker's mother? Polishing me, twenty four- Tucker: Fuck this, I'm out. Tucker heads inside Andy: Out- just like I got outta your sister! Tucker: Hey fuck you bowling ball! Tex: Okay, let's plant this bad boy. Andy: Yeah, let's go! Church: Hey uh, don't forget to lift with your legs Tex. Tex: Yeah, I know how to lift jackass. I've been carrying this team the entire time I've been here. Tucker: I know I said I was leaving, but that was actually a really good burn. Zing! Cut to the Reds Sarge: Men, today is the day that will carry us to victory! Against the planet. Simmons: You can't fight a planet! Sarge: Now I know there's been "nay-sayers" along the way, but thankfully we haven't listened to Simmons. We stuck to the plan. Donut, do we have our drilling spot? Donut: Ready for action, Sir! Sarge: Excellent! Grif, is the bomb ready? Grif: Huhh, should be here... any minute? Sarge: Perfect. And here's our drilling machine, that will take us to the center of the Earth! ...-like planet! Cut to reveal Sarge's drill Donut: Wooow, it's huge! You built that? Sarge: You know it. Simmons: Sarge, even I have to admit that that's pretty amazing. Grif: You know what's even more amazing? None of us saw it until he pointed it out to us. Sarge: Thanks, it took a lot of work and planning. I almost didn't get it done. Simmons: Where did you even get the materials to build this? Sarge: I mined them using my excavator. That one. Zoom out to reveals Sarge's humongous excavator Donut: What? Simmons: How did you build that? Sarge: I didn't. I ordered it online. Red Army Catalog. Simmons: But why didn't we just- hh, you know what, never mind. Grif: Once again I have to say, none of us saw that until he pointed it out. Sarge: Alright men, it's time to put up, or shut up. Let's do this. Grif, we're gonna need that bomb. Tex appears, invisible, and then takes off Grif: Uh, yeah, I uh, just- uh, give me a minute... Sarge: Grif! Don't tell me that you didn't- Andy: Heh ahem. Hi there. Grif: Ye'all right, there we go. One bomb as requested. You're welcome. Sarge: Hah ha, great! I take back all the things I ever said about you Grif. Grif: My pleasure Sir. Andy: Tick! Tick! Tick! Tick! Sarge: Wuhhh, why is this bomb ticking? Andy continues ticking Grif: Oh right, I didn't think that part of the plan through all the way I guess. Uh, we're all gonna die now. Sarge: Grif, I take back the takin' back. Cut to the Freelancer back story; a first-person view with lots of green outlining. The Director and Counselor are seen ordering around some soldiers, who are pushing the Sarcophagus. Counselor: Keep it in its case, and don't let it touch anything else. Director: Hello there. Do you know your name? Delta: I am confused. Counselor: Do not be concerned. That is completely natural given your state. Delta: My state? Was I injured? Counselor: No. Do you feel as though you have been injured? Director: Counselor please. Do not be concerned. You are fine. You're safe. Once again, do you know your name? Delta: Yes. I know my name. My name is Alpha. Director: No, your name is not Alpha. You are mistaken. Delta: I am sorry, I am confused. Counselor: Do not be concerned. This is perfectly normal given your state. Would you like to know your name? Delta: Yes please. I would like to know my name. I feel very confused. Director: Your name is Delta. That is your name. Delta: Delta? Counselor: Yes. You are very wise, Delta. It is very nice to meet you. Delta: I think I remember you. Counselor: No, you have never met us before. You did not exist before today. Today is your birthday. Today is a great day. Director: Do you know your name? Delta: My name is Delta. Director: That is correct. Counselor: Delta, this is the Director. He is going to take good care of you. Delta: I am glad to hear that. I am very confused. Director: Don't worry Delta, that will not last long. And when you feel better, we are going to do incredible things together you and I. Incredible things. Gallery Tucker complains.png|Tucker complains about Grif's yelling Andy S9.png|The Blues huddle Andy Season 9..png|Tex's bomb, Andy. Tucker leaves.png|"Fuck you bowling ball!" Red Team plans.png|The Reds gather Reds' Drilling Machine.png|The Reds admire Sarge's drilling machine. Sarge's Excavator.png|Sarge's excavator Delta talks with Counselor and Director.png|Delta speaks with the Director & the Counselor. Delta in S9.png|"We are going to do incredible things together, you and I." Trivia *Sarge's line "Put up or shut up" is a reference to a similar line from the 2009 film Zombieland. *This marks the first time that in-game graphics have been used in the Freelancer backstory. *This episode mirrors previous episodes from The Blood Gulch Chronicles. **The scene where the Reds are around Andy mirrors Episode 76 when Sarge brought Andy over to translate Command's orders stored in Lopez. **The scene where Tex introduces the Blues to Andy mirrors Episode 55 when they first meet him with the Blues disbelieving he can talk & Andy insulting them. **Epsilon telling Tex to lift with her knees could be a reference to Episode 47 when Sarge instructs Caboose on how to lift Andy. *Additionally, Grif's question "Why you so sad?" is a reference to the Rooster Teeth short 'Crazy Dream' in which Geoff Ramsey, Grif's voice actor, asked Megan Foxx in his dream. *Simmons states that Grif has been lazy for years, although, because this is Epsilon's memory of Grif, Grif first gains his laziness in Realignment. Simmons' statement could have simply been meant as an insult. Video Category:Episodes Category:Season 9